Sink or Swim

  Yesterday I turned in the first draft of my thesis. To be entirely honest, the stress of writing as well as the time-consuming nature of grad school has largely deprived me of the time and will to deeply get into the Scriptures. Today, however, in my glorious, albeit temporary, calm before the storm of revisions, I had the time to return to in-depth prayer and Bible Study. I've been reading through the book of Matthew, and, for the most part, it feels like more of a recap than anything. Growing up in a very, very active Christian household, it's easy to feel like we've heard all the stories a million times, and that there isn't much more to learn from them.

  But today, one of the most familiar stories stuck out to me, because I feel it directly correlates to my life as I move into the next phase of it. It was the story of Peter walking on water. I've heard the story a million times as a cautionary tale about having a lack of faith. So, the story goes like this: The disciples are hanging out on the lake in a boat, as people did in the days of yore. It's sometime between 3:00 and 6:00 in the morning, so either the guys are 1.) Up way too late, 2.) Nocturnal, 3.) Partying it up Hebrew style, or 4.) Hella tired. They look out across the lake and they see Jesus walking on the water towards them, and they're like, "What the deuce? This is a little strange." And then this happens:

²⁶ When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”²⁹ “Come,” he said.Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

So here are the things that struck me about the story that I hadn't really noticed before.

1.) The disciples are scared. And, I think they were certainly justified in their reaction. But as he always does, Jesus says "Do not be afraid." Now this phrase isn't exactly a new command in the Bible. The Bible tells people not to be afraid no less than 365 times. 365. Hmmm. That number is kind of important.  That's one reminder to not be afraid for each day of the year. (And some scholars argue that it is said 366 times, so leap years are covered too.) So, obviously, this is something that is close to the heart of God. Fear is unnecessary in the life of a Christian, and really in the life of anyone.

2.) Peter is the only disciple to respond to Jesus. The passage says, "The disciples." So that means there are other guys watching this happen. But Peter is the only one to say anything. And not only does he talk to the mysterious man across the water, but he says, "Hey. Let me come join you." Meanwhile, the other guys are still hanging out in the boat, apparently just watching this whole thing unfold. Now, keep in mind, these are the guys who have at this point seen Jesus feed the five thousand; they heard the Sermon on the Mount. He has healed paralytics and pretty much raised people from the dead, so these guys know what's up. They've seen what this guy can do. And yet they stay in the boat.

3.) Peter begins to sink "when he saw the wind". When things got a little rough, when things got a little scary, he begins to struggle. But Jesus pulls him out of the water, and reminds him, "Why didn't you believe me? Why didn't you trust me? I got this, remember?"

  I feel like the story of Peter is the story of a lot of us, myself included. The disciples were in a state of fear. Fear is a normal response to things that are out of the ordinary. But Peter didn't let his fear encumber him. He stepped out of the boat, at 3 AM no less into a very dark, very deep lake, not entirely positive what's going to happen. But at least he got off the boat. At least he took the step. None of the other disciples did that. They stayed where it was safe. Where it was familiar. Where there was little likelihood of being harmed. A lot of times we let fear keep us trapped on our own boats. We move through this life surrounded by a sea of uncertainty, and it's easier to remain in our comfort zones than to risk braving new waters. But Peter did. 

  It's also important to note that even an apostle can sink when life gets rough. And, let's be honest, we all sink sometimes. Either through overwhelming stress, or painful experiences, or lack of faith in our own strength and abilities, it's easy to be overcome by the tide. (I realize lakes like the one in the story don't have tides, but it's a metaphor, okay?) But notice that Jesus pulls him out. Jesus doesn't let him sink completely. Jesus takes over and says, "I got this. I always did. Why did you doubt me? I'm not gonna just watch you sink. That's not my style."

  I'll be honest, I've been sinking lately. Stress of grad school as well as a complete uncertainty about my future have me feeling like I'm not walking on stable ground anymore. But at least I'm trying to step out of the boat. I've still got a lot of fear and doubt to overcome, and some days it's hard to believe that God is going to take care of it. But hopefully, I can just follow Peter's example and dive right in.